All about my feelings

January 26, 2011

I have always said not to regret what i have done, but i find that i do lately.  I can say i don’t care who reads this and if they get there panties in a bunch, because this is how i feel so i am going to write it.

Well my one regret is when i stopped talking to Adam a friend of mine.  I can only speculate as to why i did, but i have no clue. He is a type of person that people are so drawn to. Its like he has an aura around him like a pull or something.  I really dont know what it is.  You can read into this how you want, but thats how i feel.

I also had an iffy day but It was made better by KFC potatoes and Gravy. I was also listening to oldies on the way to and from school. LOL

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Bad day!

January 25, 2011

I have had a very bad day.  Good things about today is i got my car back, found out i went down a cup size, and got tons of other stuff i needed. I got my birth control that i am starting sunday today also. I hope it works like the doctors think it will i am tired of having these headaches.

On the subject of my car well it worked fine and then completely and totally died on my way home from class ugh! SO now it has to be fixed again i hope i dont have to pay for this because man it shouldnt have had this happen already.

we also cleaned the living room today and couldn’t find the printer cd so  i don’t know how to get my printer installed on my computer ugh.

well thats all for tonight. Thanks for reading but i really needed to get this out.

Well

January 24, 2011

I have decided to make myself an awesome blogger. Well today is Monday, but i am betting you are thinking thanks caption obvious. The reason i say today is Monday is because this is the worst day of the freaking week for me.  Nothing goes right if anything everything goes horrible on these days. Anyone have the feeling like someone is playing a cruel joke one them? Well Mondays make me feel like that. Doesn’t help at 12 am this morning my car broke down basically, then my daughter and i were cranky so it didn’t help anything, and Maya was being a pain at the bank like most two year olds. The thing is my daughter doesn’t act like most two year olds but today she decided this was the best day to do so.

I had class today and had to give a small speech about someone i didn’t know. Let me tell you i have stage fright to the millionth degree. I did learn that most people stereotype weather they want to or not. So don’t be too hard on yourself unless you are just being a brat about it.

I need to stop being so lazy yes i will admit i get lazy everyone does. So for this week this is what i am hoping to do.

1. clean and organize.

2. do all my homework before the day of class.

3. Only be online for an 1 hour a day for personal use.

Wish me luck. I am hoping to at least get the 1st and 2nd done. I don’t know how the third will work out. We shall see.

Thanks to those of you who are reading my blog.

 

No clue

January 22, 2011

I took some bath pictures of Maya today and hope they come out great. I got my check today from school so on Monday i can make a bank account. I can now do a few things i have been needing to for awhile.

I honestly don’t know where my life is going what it will be like in a year. The only thing that is semi certain i will be raising my little girl.

I want to say a lot of stuff that has bothering me, but yet i know if i do on here people can see it. There are certain people who shouldn’t see what is going on if you get what i mean. One thing i will say is anytime i bring up how i feel it seems to get pushed to the side and labeled as not important or something. I feel it a lot and its a lonely feeling.

I went to the doctor on Friday got my yearly exam done. I am healthy and got some birth control pills to try and see how my body reacts to them. I hope it makes my headaches go away.

Photography class

January 19, 2011

In photography class i learned a lot more and i about cried at this video. Watch then form an opinion. Warning it is very shocking.

I don’t want to say to much about this video so you can form your own opinion.  I for one think everyone needs to see this video so pass it on.

I don’t care if you agree with the message or not. I agree something needs to be done to help them help themselves if that makes sense.

What else i learned is if i don’t eat before class i will feel sick so i may want to eat next time. I almost puked going out to my car because it was so cold and i was so hungry.

The first picture taken of a person.

i forgot what this type of photo is called. I do know it took hanging it over boiling mercury to make it turn out this well.

Its bed time. Thanks for looking.

Its been awhile

January 17, 2011

Today is snowy as heck, and I hate it. I really don’t have much to say right now, but I thought it was needed so I can say semi consistent with this.

I will edit this later today with some more awesome stuff when i think of it.

Here i am again to finish it.

Well my story is that my body hates me. I have a headache that wont go away. I also keep feeling kicks like i did while i was pregnant with my first the exact same as when she was 14 weeks and it very creepy. She will be 2 next month so i dont think it could be phantom kicks, but i am pretty sure im not pregnant since i bleed last cycle so we shall see if it goes away or not. Its been going on for 3 days so far.

Anyway thats all for this monday other then my daughter just told me that she said no more diapers. LOL

Another new day.

January 15, 2011

Today is an ok day I have a headache and i am way past tired. I didnt nap before work last night and man i should never do that again. I worked from 12 am to 4 am slept from about 430am to 11am. I then went to my school library to rent a photography book that i needed for my project that is due at the end of the month.

Annoyance is i was suppose to get paid yesterday didn’t and then they said they would put it on my next check, but my co worker who started the same night got paid wth? So now i  have to wait the 28th for some sort of money when i need gas money now.  I guess i will be borrowing money from people and paying them back. Good news is the next check will be about 300 dollars with tax taken out.  =)  I do think i need to find a new job though one where i am not super tired all the time because i can barely sleep.

Good part of this morning is that i had so much fun with my co workers. One of them Phairen kept saying things that could be taken so completely wrong. lol This one is the one i remember the most since i am so tired. We were whipping down the windows in the front of the galaxy theater and we have to wipe the handle bars down and she said something how i am protecting some one children or something to that extent. I start laughing then she says who knows i can be protecting someones family jewels.  I was about dying at that point.

Maya stayed the night at her grammys  last night. So i at least was able to sleep instead  of having to get up at 7 am with her.  Anyway when she came home me , my mom, and papa set up her baby nursery and trike she love both of them.  Oh and if you notice her name is Maya it is said like the Mayan civilization. IF you dont know who they are google them, because in my mind if you dont  know them then you need to pay more attention in  history class. Oh and the pronunciation is  My-UH NOT May uh. Anyone who calls her May- uh instantly annoys me. I mean come on who doesnt know one of the greatest civilizations to ever disappear are. Here is a link about them if you don’t know them.

http://www.indians.org/welker/maya.htm

Now for a poll and off i go to try to get mizy moo to take a nap.

Cassandra

January 14, 2011

I have never written a blog before so this will be a learning experience for me.

Tomorrow it will be one year from the loss of my first angel. I thought by now i would have had another  child but it hasn’t happened instead i have lost 4 pregnancies in one year. It has hurt me so much to lose all these pregnancies in one year.

I am currently back at school and unlike my other times studying i have no clue what i want to get my degree in. I love art, but i also feel a pull to astronomy, nursing, teaching, and probably more as the year goes on. I am almost finished with my AA in liberal arts but im not sure what to do with that. The one thing i do know is i love being a mom. I want to do so many things but i feel so limited with what to do if that makes sense.

Lately i have been feeling like a big failure because i am 21 no degree, no idea what i want to do with my life, and working a job where i hate even thinking about going to work.

I do crochet, and dabble in photography. I am taking a photography class this semester. My first assignment is taking in 6 pictures of cliche items and then never doing them again in the rest of the term.  I have a ton of them but none are printed out so i need to do that before next Wednesday.

My daily life consists of school 3 times a week and working 4 days a week. I’m also a mother of an almost 2 year old 24/7 that job never stops but it is my favorite of anything i have ever done.

I will post pictures from time to time and what i am working on but as for today i am done posting.  Thanks for reading if you have.